Monday, December 13, 2010

Holiday Cheer- Every Half Hour on the Half Hour!

Back in the Olden Days, when the Harris County District Attorney's Office used to resemble an actual pleasant place to work, we used to have these things called Christmas Parties. No tax payer money was spent. Funds were collected from the prosecutors, secretaries, and investigators, etc.

And the parties were fun. It was a great time unwinding with the people you worked with and getting to meet their families.

This has now, apparently, been replaced by the Lykos version known as "Holiday Cheer".

Well, I'll agree that it is a holiday, but "cheer" might be something in shorter supply than prosecutors around that office lately.

The funniest thing to me is that the "invitation" to Holiday Cheer has been regimented down to half hour increments that each floor has gotten where they will be allowed the honor of hanging out with the Gang Who Couldn’t Shoot Straight Executive Leadership Team. The 1st & 6th floor get to celebrate from 2:00-2:30 p.m. The 5th Floor gets to party from 2:30 p.m.-3:00 p.m. The 2nd Floor gets the 3:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m. shift, and the 4th Floor gets that ambiguous 3:30 p.m. -- ??? invitation,

What will happen during this magical 30 minutes of Holiday Cheer? Do you get to sit on Snookems' lap and wish for a new D.A. for Christmas? Do you meet Hannah Chow under the mistletoe? Do you have some alcohol-free egg nog with Bridgwater? Do you get a gift from Leitner or one of the other elves?

I don't know what magic is in store for you, but you better get it done in under 30 minutes and then you have to hit the skids.


Anonymous said...

We heard one of the heavy-set investigators will be dressed as Santa and another in drag as Santa,s wife. No word on who the elves will be.Sounds like fun.

Anonymous said...

The HCDA Christmas parties past were many things, family events they were not.

Anonymous said...

And to think I retired rather than work for Lykos.

Anonymous said...

Wonder if they will make us use comp time for our allotted 30 minutes of splendor? It cracks me up that in a time of low morale, the "Leadership Team" can even manage to screw up a holiday party. The best reason for a holiday party is to gather the whole office together, rather than forced floor-by-floor divisiveness. There is already serious bitterness between divisions and floors right now, I sure this will help (::eyeroll).

Of course, it wouldn't do to go to the party empty-handed. Really, what I think would be the best present for the "Leadership Team" would be for everyone who is close to quitting use the opportunity to give them your notice right there. In your allotted 30 minutes, of course. Personally, I know it would give me cheer to see several DAs every half-hour give the giant F-U to Lykos and the gang. Call it the 12 Days of Quitting:

On the 1st Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--1 oblivious DA

On the 2nd Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--only 2 DAs left in every court

On the 3rd Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--3s stuck forever without a pay raise

On the 4th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--4 separate holiday parties in one

On the 5th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--5 DAs going to the feds

On the 6th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--a 6th floor that is now like Trump Tower

On the 7th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--7 forced creepy Lykos smiles

On the 8th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--8 Chronicle stories groveling to Lykos

On the 9th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--9 new water coolers

On the 10th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--10% salary cut

On the 11th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--11 calls up to the 6th floor questioning my recs

On the 12th Day of Quitting, Lykos gave to me--12 days of forced furloughs

Maybe I'd spend some more time making the song better, but really, I now have such low morale, I don't even care much about this anymore...


Anonymous said...

Here's another Ode to the Holiday Cheer Party--sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer:

You know Leitner and Chow,
and Palmer and Onken,
Bridgwater and Barnhill,
And Greenwood and Vollman,
But do you recall,
The most infamous DA of all?

Lykos the Clueless DA
Was the worst leader in town
And if you ever saw her
You would even say she’s a clown.

Then one Wednesday afternoon,
Lykos came to say,
Come to my holiday party
But only 30 minutes you each can stay.

Then how the ADAs hated her,
As they put in their notices with glee,
“Lykos the Clueless DA,
You’ll make a defense attorney out of me!”


Anonymous said...

Caddy Day
Caddies Welcome

Twilight Zoned said...


Helluva good job;
Describing that slob.

While killers run wild;
Lykos rules like a child.

The Chronicle's thrilled;
That crooks aren't killed.

The victims deserved all that they got;
Their families don't matter they all can go rot.

When you're granted an audience with the troll,
Will you cower or will you roll?

Some will lay down,
Like whimpering clowns.

Others will stand,
As justice demands.

I strongly suggest that her little gang;
Is way overdue and they need to hang.

At the end of the day,
As you fade away.

It's your character that matters most,
When it's finally time to give up the ghost.

Merry Christmas to all my old buddies and may God bless you always.

Twilight Zoned

Anonymous said...

Supposedly all support staff getting turkeys donated by chiefs-this is good-

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:21 said:"Supposedly all support staff getting turkeys donated by chiefs-this is good." News flash, Harris County got a big turkey in the 2008 election for DA. No more turkeys please please.

Anonymous said...

To Anon 9:11 p.m. aka Santa Baby and Anon 7:58 a.m., that was excellent.

And you both will likely get Mr. Newman fired again from the HCDA for your efforts.