In doing so, I would be very remiss if I did not have a sense of humor about my own embarrassments. I've heard every bald joke, divorce joke, paleness joke, and pudgy joke that I can think of.
So, this past Friday, I inadvertently decided to give you some new material.
Emily and I took the Boy up to Camp Creek, which is my favorite place on Earth. It is a tranquil lake north of Bryan where my parents have a lake house. It redefines rustic. There is no marina. The ski area is tiny. It is very quiet and peaceful there.
But no place is perfect.
There are plenty of critters running around there -- deer, possums, snakes, raccoons, and almost every stinging insect known to mankind. Even my mom got bit by a copperhead once back in the '80s.
The most rampant of these nuisances, however, are the wasps. It is a constant struggle fighting them off. They try to invade the house. They are most prevalent at the boat house, however.
On Friday, I made the ill-advised choice to take on a wasp with a broom at the boat house. Here is the crime scene:
The wasp had no problem dodging my feeble swipes with the broom. He ducked back. He dodged right and left.
And then he went straight for my exposed pasty white stomach.
Instinctively, I stepped back with my left leg -- only to realize (too late) that I was no longer standing on the deck. My 215 lb. out-of-shape body went down like a sack of potatoes.
It would have been a quick and harmless plunge into the water, except for my left arm (which caught on the walkway on the left of the picture) and my right leg (which caught on the walkway to the right of the broom). I then tumbled into the water.
The whole incident happened in under a second (which is still twice the time that Womble had on screen in Pearl Harbor). The results, however, are as follows:
Nothing is apparently broken, but the doctors in College Station told me that I need to get an MRI once I get back to Houston. As of this writing, I can't lift my left arm up. The doctor said something about my labrum being damaged. Prior to Friday, I didn't know that men had labrums.
So, if you see me looking pathetic around the CJC tomorrow, you now know why.
Up at the lake tonight, I'm sure there is a proud wasp telling its family about the time it made a human vanish into thin air.
Sadly, this is not the worst run-in with a stinging insect that I've had at Camp Creek Lake.
I was once stung by a ground hornet when I was in 6th grade.
On the cheek.
On my birthday.
The day before school pictures.