Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Petroff's Going Away Party

There will be a going away party tomorrow (Wednesday, June 22nd)  for Kevin Petroff at the Char Bar starting at 5:00 p.m.  All are invited and his last day is on Friday.

As a going away gift, I thought I would share from the archives the memo that Kevin sent upon becoming named the Deputy Dawg of Misdemeanor back in 2002.  You're welcome, Kevin.


From: Petroff, Kevin  
Sent: Tuesday, July 30, 2002 6:11 PM
To: Davidson, Luci; McClellan, Lyn; Satterelli, Michele; Aguirre, Juan; Baker, Wendy; Arnold, Charles; Ansari, Tina; Beedle, Nathan; Capitaine, Christian; Craft, Johanna; Daigre, Eleanor; Deleef, Peter; Devlin, Eric; Donnelly, Mark; Doyle, Paul; Eaglin, Barbara; Exley, William; Gilbert, Alexis; Gooch, Lori; Gostyla, Tracy; Guerinot, Eileen; Guiney, Kristin; Gupta, Ritu; Halpert, Steven; Harris, Jamey; Harrison, Heather; Herrera, Heather; Joachim, Carson; Jocher, John; Johnson, Kelli; Jones, Bonner; Jordan, John; Kennedy, Collin; Kerbow, Fran; Kibler, Dawn; Kidd, Tammy; Kolski, Andrea; Lehman, Victor; Markland, Clive; McGee, Meg; McMahon, Gina; Moore, Michael; Mostia, Jamie; Needham, Jessica; Newman, Murray; Nichols, Denise; Philips, Rebecca; Reid, Cicely; Richardson, Dan; Spalding, Michael; Stornello, Rosario; Streeter, Sam; Summerlin, Robert; Taylor, Araceli; Underwood, Collin; Voigt, Denese; Weissfisch, George; Wesselmann, Stephen; Yborra, Mark

Subject: New Policies from Your Deputy Dawg-Elect

As the new Deputy Dawg, effective August 5th, I think it is only fair that I inform you of some policies that I will be implementing.  As you know, especially you Misdemeanor Chiefs, that I will be instrumental in your evaluations.  Therefore, I feel it only fair to warn you of what will be happening.

1.  Sneak Attacks-on a daily basis I will be popping into your office and your courtrooms.  You may or may not be in your office, but I will go through your desk looking for contraband.  Specifically, anything that mocks me in any way.  I will also go to the courts to see if you are mocking me in front of anyone.  This includes defendants and judges.

2.  Jazz Music-I will be filtering in my own weak musical tastes through the intercom.  I would like to politely ask Denese Voight and Barbara Eaglin not to sing along.  If there are any complaints about the music, this will severely affect your evaluations.

3.  Fitness Program-as you all know, I've spent much time at jazzercise and at the gym to develop the body of a pre-pubescent 12 year old.  I will expect my underlings to soon have my physique.

4.  Clothing-you shall all dress in the same 1980s era suits that I wear.  You can find these at K-Mart.  Mention my name, and you'll get a discount.

5.  The Misdemeanor Investigators shall be my personal bodyguards should anyone attempt to retaliate for this list of rules.

6.  Any person setting a case for trial shall submit a 3 to 4 page memorandum on the facts of the case, and what you believe would be the best outcome for the interest of justice.  

7.  I want everyone's voir dire, opening statement, direct examination, ideas for cross-examination, and closing arguments written and professionally bound for my approval.

8.  All prosecutors who lose a trial will be forced to wash my car.

9.  I shall be referred to as "Mr. Petroff" or "Deputy Petroff".  Or, if we are particularly close, you may refer to me as "Sport".

10.  All CLE classes will be conducted on Friday afternoons from 5 pm to 7 pm in my front yard.  No alcohol shall be permitted.

These are just a few of my preliminary thoughts, and if you think about it, they are all pretty much common sense.  I'm sure that Luci will approve them, because I am the Man.  If you have any comments or questions, I would strongly suggest that you submit them anonymously.  That way, I can punish you all as a group.
Sincerely,
Deputy "Sport" Petroff

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

While Kevin was obviously a victim of someone getting on his email, the sad thing is that this email is quite close to the way the 6th floor runs things these days.
Hey 6th floor - have you yet recognized that good prosecutors are now taking pay cuts to prosecute elsewhere because you've made things so miserable?

Anonymous said...

Yes Anon we are aware. It was always our plan. The more of you that leave the better. Our budget will will get fatter so we can continue to hire liasons and photographers. You can never have enough of those professions represented in this fine office.

Continue to leave in droves. The idiot voters will still vote for us.

Signed. 6th Floor. Can u say 4 more years?

Twilight Zoned said...

Twas the night before Lykos,
And the run-off was upon us.

The ADAs lay comfortly in their beds,
Not a worry appeared to cross their heads.

They awoke in the morning in disbelief,
Learning that Lykos had slipped in like a thief.

Rosenthal had set the stage,
Leitner stepped in as a Lykos page.

Kelly had given it her heart and soul,
But people were too busy to come to the poll.

We've learned alot since 2008,
I just hope it's not too late.

Maybe the rumor turns out to be true,
That Kelly Siegler will fight for you.

But Judge Pat is no political fool,
She'll find another Jimmy Leitner tool.

A run-off is Patsy's only hope,
If Kelly decides to fight the dope.

Will we stand strong at run-off time,
Or will we simply bitch and whine?

The office is crumbling beneath our feet,
How can we survive a Lykos repeat.

Vote in the Republican primary and run-off as if your life depends on it because it does!

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:38 if you vote in the Republican primary, your only choice will be Lykos as she will be unopposed. The Harris County Republican Party does not want a primary fight with an incumbent, who the party thinks saved them from humiliation in 2008. The party faithful with do EVERYTHING in their power to keep a Lykos challenger off the ballot. There will be no runoff for District Attorney on the Republican side. Our only hope is for a scandal before the filing deadline.

Anonymous said...

Have another Camel, Pat.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading the names on the distribution list. Miss my old HCDA friends. Thanks for posting, Murry!

Doug Richards

A Harris County Lawyer said...

Thanks Doug. Only ten of those people are still there. It brought back a lot of memories seeing the names. Those were good times.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:36,
You only hope there's a scandal? The list is impressive....which one(s) do you think will play best?
If the Harris County Republican Party blindly supports Pat Lykos they can go to Hell.

TZ,
I hope someone can convince Kelly Siegler to run again, but when I saw Kelly last month she never looked happier or more relaxed--her life is good. Maybe she misses prosecuting as much as I've heard but you'd never know it to see her.
That being said, I don't know if Kelly appreciates the new base of support she has--not just because of Pat Lykos' diabolical behavior since taking office, but because of Kelly's exemplary behavior after leaving office.
Former death row inmate Anthony Graves could not have asked for a tougher, more aggressive or ethical Special Prosecutor than Kelly Siegler. His exoneration debunks the libelous "win at all costs" slurs Lykos leveled against Kelly.

Let's see how the GOP compares the established performance records of Kelly Siegler and Pat Lykos for the job of Harris County District Attorney---it would be like comparing SEAL Team 6 to a group of crackheads under the Pierce elevated.

Murray,
The old names on the distribution list brought a smile and a tear. Great post on many levels good buddy.

Anonymous said...

For those of you who didn't get the opportunity to work with Murray, THIS is what he was infamous for. Seriously, no one wanted to leave their computer on, unlocked, and unattended when he was around.

Murray, did you keep all of the emails you sent on other prosecutor's accounts?!

A Harris County Lawyer said...

I've got a lot of them. The Harris County Electrolysis Center. Freyer's deputy dawg intro. Some of the others.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kevin, I was one of your investigators and I can honestly say that you and Murray were definately two of the best chiefs for sure. I also appreciated the fact that you never seemed overly worried when I might have happened to drive over a small curb; pull a last minute uturn or fail to maintain a single marked lane of traffic while doing 85 on the freeway. The sign of a true professional. I think it's fair to say that you're the Fog Horn Leg Horn of the office....listen to me when I'm talking to ya boy!

Anonymous said...

Fun to see all those names on the misdemeanor list. Farewell to Petroff, congrats on getting out of this shitty place, we are all jealous. Good luck man!

Anonymous said...

Funny. Of course, with free speech also comes responsibility. And a prank like that on my computer (lawyers at every law firm leave their computers on, I'm not sure why it would be so unique at the HCDAO) would get you an ass whipping.

Rage

Anonymous said...

Rage, I seriously doubt you have anyone that works with you who would care enough to mess with your computer and play any kind of prank on you. People with your pent-up issues are too socially stunted to have anyone in your life who cares. Admit it. You're a county employee using county equipment on county time. And you got busted. Get over yourself. Nobody really gives a rat's ass. Just stop making a fool of yourself by trying to argue with people whose IQ is thrice the level yours is.

Anonymous said...

And you got busted.

How so? Surely if you've busted me, you know who I am, right?

Rage

aka Bridgewater

Anonymous said...

No, Rage, I don't know who you are. As a matter of fact, I don't care. If I wanted to know that bad, all I have to do is file an Open Records request, you dumbass. I just feel sorry for you sitting over there with your pent-up anger and issues, a wanna-be who won't ever be. It's just sad.

That being said, you do humor me. Not your intelligence and wit, but the pathetic nature of your writings and how desperate you are to want to count for something. Good luck with that.

Consider me,
Rage's new best friend.

Freedom of Information Act said...

Rage's IP # is: 208.254.130.22

The Harris County Technology Center provides service.

So if anyone cares enough to make an open records request on this county turd have at it......you will be shocked to learn the identity.

A friend of Arthur Seaton

Anonymous said...

Go for it. As for the rest, well, y'all respond too often and with too much (pathetic) vitriol (look that one up) to claim you don't care. And you can't be my new best friend--Seaton and Black Ink are still way ahead of you.

Hugs and kisses,

Rage

Anonymous said...

Hey, Rage, there's no "e" in my last name. It's Bridgwater!

Anonymous said...

Oh, please, please, Rage. Can't ya fit me in somewhere in between Seaton and Ink? I promise I'll be good. I just want to sit at your feet and learn all that you have to impart.

Signed me,
A-hopin and a-prayin

Anonymous said...

Rage,

Murray has been given your identity info. but for some reason has decided not to publish it.
So thank him on the backside you arrogant little piss ant.

Rage said...

Murray has been given your identity info.

I will give him $100.00 if he e-mails it to me.

Anonymous said...

Oh, God, Murray. Please don't out Rage. I'm embarrassed for him enough when I just read his rants. I can't imagine how mortifying it would be for him if it got out who he was. I don't care much for the poor thing, but I wouldn't wish that kind of life-altering humiliation for anyone.

Anonymous said...

Rage,

An IP address tied to the Harris County Technology Center does not a need quantum physics major for analysis--a simple open records request will do....

A Harris County Lawyer said...

Obviously, I am naturally curious and wonder who both Rage and Black Ink are. I have no idea, and I respect their privacy, much as I wanted mine respected when I was still anonymous. I don't try to figure out who they are, and if I did, I wouldn't "out" them.

That being said, Rage, if you are a successful civil attorney, why am I only getting offered $100 on a dare?!

Anonymous said...

An IP address tied to the Harris County Technology Center does not a need quantum physics major for analysis--a simple open records request will do....

Go for it.

That being said, Rage, if you are a successful civil attorney, why am I only getting offered $100 on a dare?!

Point taken. I'll start billing you.

Rage