Episode Five: The Empress Strikes Out

SCENE:  The Star Destroyer Jefferson hovers over a very empty Downtown.  [INTERIOR]. The Imperial Throne Room.  An uncharacteristically cheerful EMPRESS OGG is standing at the head of her conference room table.  Behind her, her lead stormtrooper BOBA CLAPPART is busily preparing a bacta tank for one person.  VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM sits stoically at the head of the table as other members of the ADVISORY COUNCIL file into the room.

EMPRESS OGG:  Greetings my dearest friends and co-workers!  Come in!  Come in!  It is so lovely to see you today!  It brings me great joy to see all of you!

YVONNE VENTRESS (whispering):  Why is she so happy?

COUNT MUSICK:  I don't know.  I haven't seen her this happy since the Envirolorian's Arkema trial got postponed.

YVONNE VENTRESS:  Yes, I heard the trial was not going well.  Some guy named Brady kept showing up unexpectedly?

COUNT MUSICK:  Yes.  Something like that.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Let's call the meeting to order.

EMPRESS OGG:  Yes!  I have things to do.  How is the bacta tank coming along, Boba?

BOBA CLAPPART:  We are working on it, Empress, but I still don't see how we are going to fit your press conference podium in there with you.  This thing only has a three-foot diameter.

EMPRESS OGG:  Honestly, Boba.  I don't know why I give you any jobs in the first place.  First, you can't frame a group of teenagers for murder and now you can't outfit the bacta tank with the bare necessities that I need to survive.

BOBA CLAPPART:  Well, I mean it does provide nutrients and oxygen while keeping you completely insulated from the coronavirus, it's just . . .

EMPRESS OGG:  No podium.  No deal.  Fix it, nitwit.

BOBA CLAPPART:  Yes, Empress.

EMPRESS OGG:  Now, as I was saying, let's call the meeting to order . . .

THE DOOR TO THE THRONE ROOM FLIES OPEN AND IN STORMS CHIEF OF STAFF VIVIAN KING.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Nice of you to join us, Vivian.

CHIEF KING:  Screw you, New Tom Berg.  I was at lunch.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  It's 9 a.m.

CHIEF KING:  YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN MY LUNCH HOUR IS!!!!!

EMPRESS OGG:  Calm down, Vivian.  It is too lovely of a day to be ruined with in-fighting.

CHIEF KING:  Who the hell gave you happy pills?

EMPRESS OGG:  No happy pills, my friend.  I don't need them.  Why would I?  Life has never been better for your favorite Ogginator.  I won my election and all of the Jawas are happier than they have been since I first took office.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  I think they are happy because you finally let them work from home during the coronavirus, Empress.

EMPRESS OGG:  Nonsense.  They are happy because I won.  That's why they kept coming to work even though there was an earth-shattering plague risking all of their lives.  They love me, dearly.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Um, they kept coming because Vivian told them it was business as usual and they had to.

CHIEF KING:  WHO TOLD YOU THAT?  WHO IS TALKING ABOUT ME?  I AM BOARD CERTIFIED IN CRIMINAL LAW!  NOBODY BETTER BE TALKING BAD ABOUT ME!  I WILL SUE YOU, NEW TOM BERG!!!!

EMPRESS OGG:  Calm down, Vivian.  We are all friends here.  He is not Murray Newman.  Only a malcontent like him could ever say anything bad about you.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Well, Murray and anyone who ever watched an episode of Sisters In Law.

EMPRESS OGG:  And that's like, what?  Thirty people?  Obviously I never even watched it myself, Vivian.  That's why I hired you.

CHIEF KING:  YOU CAN GO TO HELL, NEW TOM BERG!  I'M GOING TO HAVE YOUR JOB.  YOU JUST WATCH.  MY TITLE IS GOING TO CHIEF OF STAFF AND FIRST ASSISTANT, or Vice-Admiral or whatever.

EMPRESS OGG:  Calm down, Vivian.  You did stop calling Murray and yelling at him during business hours like you promised me right?

CHIEF KING:  Yes, Empress.  Now, I only call him and ask him to verify his Google Listing.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Why would you harass him like that?

CHIEF KING:  SHUT UP NEW TOM BERG!  YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MY SIDE HUSTLE IS!  I'VE GOT VIVIAN KING TV!  I'VE GOT CHIEF OF STAFF!  I'VE GOT VIVIAN KING REALTY!  I DO SOME FAMILY LAW! I'M BRINGING BACK SISTERS IN LAW, BUT WE ARE CALLING IT "VIVIAN IS THE MAMA BEAR IN LAW! I CAN VERIFY GOOGLE LISTINGS IF I WANT TO.  I'M GOING TO BE NEW FIRST ASSISTANT HERE IN A MINUTE, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE OLD NEW TOM BERG AND I'M GOING TO THE NEW NEW TOM BERG!

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Um, okay.

EMPRESS OGG:  Anyway, as I was saying, the Jawas are ecstatic about my re-election and that's what makes them ignore all of the incredibly serious warnings from the WHO and the CDC about social distancing.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  I should probably point out that you still have a general election in November, Empress.

EMPRESS OGG:  SILENCE!

CHIEF KING:  Empress, can I have his job now?

EMPRESS OGG:  Sure.

THE DOOR FLIES OPEN AND A PANICKED JAR JAR ROGERS BURSTS INTO THE ROOM.

JAR JAR ROGERS:  Oosa oosa Empress Ogg!  Yoosa needsa to get into the bacta tank rightsa nowsa!

EMPRESS OGG:  What is it, Jar Jar?

JAR JAR ROGERS:  There's a beena exposure of mooey mooey bad coronavirus at the jail!

YVONNE VENTRESS:  I'll send out an e-mail and tell the Sheriff to evacuate the jail and bring them all to 500 Jefferson immediately.

VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM:  Wait.  What?

CHIEF/VICE-ADMIRAL KING:  That sounds like a great plan.  Business as usual, as I always say.

EMPRESS OGG:  Peace out, people!  I'm heading to the bacta tank!  Let me know when the crisis is over!

BOBA CLAPPART:  What about your podium?

EMPRESS OGG:  There's no time!  Give it to Vivian!  She's in charge now!  Best of luck, everyone!

EMPRESS OGG PLUNGES INTO THE BACTA TANK, CLOSING THE LID BEHIND HER.  ACTING EMPRESS KING IMMEDIATELY TAKES EMPRESS OGG'S SEAT AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE

ACTING EMPRESS KING:  Boba Clappart!

BOBA CLAPPART:  Yes ma'am?

ACTING EMPRESS KING:  Put New Tom Berg in the carbon freezing chamber.  He can wait there until Empress Ogg comes out of the bacta tank.

BOBA CLAPPART grabs VICE-ADMIRAL MITCHAM by the arm and begins to lead him out.

ACTING EMPRESS KING:  It is now time to execute Order 66.  At last, we will reveal our full power to the Jawas.

COUNT MUSICK:  You mean the Jedi?

ACTING EMPRESS KING:  No, the Jawas.  We can't really do anything to the Jedi, but I can be mean as hell to the Jawas.  I'm the Mama Bear, dammit and I'm Board Certified.  Now, somebody bring me some of that espresso from my high dollar R2-D2 coffee maker . . .


SEE PREVIOUSLY

Episode One:  The Phantom Kimness

Episode Two:  Attack of the Clowns

Episode Three:  Revenge of the Fifth (Amendment)

Episode Four: A Glimmer of Hope

The Changing Shape of Things -- Part Two: Exposure at the CJC

I've heard from multiple people this morning of a potential COVID-19 exposure to the Harris County Criminal Justice Center.  An e-mail went out from Ed Wells, the Court Manager, at 7:25 a.m., notifying people that a prosecutor in County Court at Law #1 had been exposed to a family member that had tested positive for the virus and presumably had then come to work.

Court #1 is on the 8th floor of the CJC, so the response was to recommend shutting down all courts on the 8th Floor.

Now, you can call me overly critical, but I'm not real sure what closing down the 8th floor does.  I'm going to guess the prosecutor didn't walk up the stairs to the 8th floor.  I'm sure he or she took the elevator with a group of other people.  I'm sure he or she came in the front door and walked through the lobby to get there too.  Closing down the 8th floor at this point does about as much good as putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound.

Stunningly, the e-mail points out that the recipient of the e-mail the District Attorney's Office because they may need the space at Jefferson (the current District Attorney's Office) sanitized.

"May"?!?!?!?!

You mean, you may want to check to see about sanitizing the area where the possibly infected prosecutor worked alongside a few hundred of his or her fellow employees?  Those employees that may have spent more time around that prosecutor after court because good old Kim Ogg and Vivian "Business As Usual" King wouldn't let non-essential prosecutors work from home.

It has been reported that they now have a guy in a HAZMAT suit of some sort checking people's temperature as they enter the CJC this morning.  

Did it occur to them that what they should be doing is letting the people trying to come into the building know about the potential exposure?  The idea of taking folks' temperature when they come in is to prevent COVID-19 from coming into the building.  Ed Wells' e-mail indicates that it is possibly already there.   

They are warning the wrong damn people.

I want it to sink in that the prosecutor who may have potentially exposed the populous of the CJC to  COVID-19 is a misdemeanor prosecutor.  A misdemeanor prosecutor handling the lowest level of crimes.  The vast majority of the misdemeanor courts aren't even holding dockets.  Arguably, he or she should have been one of the first people told that they could work from home.  If that had happened, maybe the CJC wouldn't be going through this.

Yet Kim Ogg and Vivian "Business as Usual" King still steadfastly refused to make any arrangements for the Office that allowed its employees to distance themselves from each other, protecting their own health and the health of their families.  

And Vivian King had the nerve to be angry at me when I said she was the last person who should be handling a crisis for the Office.  

On a related note, has anyone heard anything from Kim Ogg directly lately?  All of the information coming from the Office seems to be coming from King, JoAnne Musick, and Jim Leitner.  Has Press Conference Kim suddenly become camera shy?

All of this is absolutely infuriating.  While the rest of the world, the rest of the country, the rest of the State and County, took drastic measures to slow the spread of COVID-19, the Harris County District Attorney's Office's only response was to put hand sanitizer on backorder and literally, tell the employees that it was "business as usual."  

I mean, the Ogg Administration established very early on that it didn't care much about or for its employees, but this has jumped over into a lack of concern about the general public.  

The fact that this is happening is inexcusable.

The Changing Shape of Things - Part One

Many things have changed in the six days since my last post about the COVID-19 Coronavirus and the Harris County Criminal Justice Center.  I'm guessing that this update about the state of things will probably be the first of many as things continue to adapt to what is going on in the world.

1.  The vast majority of Judges are waiving court appearances for bond clients in most Instances. I'm not 100% sure that all judges are following this rule, but every judge that I'm currently dealing with is doing everything that he or she can to keep people out of the courtroom.  I have not heard of any judges that are not following this plan, but I can't swear that all of them are. Appearances are being waived and electronic resets are being encouraged.  The only exception that I've seen on this is first appearances for clients that have just bonded out of jail. 

2.  Judges are working to get non-violent offenders out of custody if possible.  Defense attorneys should be doing the same.  I know of at least one District Court Judge that went through the cases pending in his court and reviewing which ones he could grant personal recognizance bonds without risking public safety.  He did this sua sponte, but defense attorneys should be doing the same.  I've been going through all of my clients's cases that I can make an argument for a bond reduction or a PR bond for and filing Motions to Reduce Bond.  As a side note, I will again point out that accepting collect phone calls from your clients is a fantastic way to communicate on these types of issues.  Check out www.securustech.net if you want to set it up.  It isn't expensive and it is totally worth it.

3.  Speaking of e-filing . . .  A week or so ago, Harris County District Clerk Marilyn Burgess rolled out a fresh new design for her office's website.  It must have been designed by a colorblind individual.  Things that were once easy to find are now against backdrops that make the tabs more difficult to see than the hidden images in those 3-D posters that used to be popular 20 years ago.  Today, as attorneys are trying to access the District Clerk's website so they can work remotely, the site is alternating between working at a snail's pace or not at all.   Burgess is really going to need to get that together quickly to keep things working.

4.  The CJC is more or less a Ghost Town.   I drove in yesterday to approach judges about bond issues on two cases yesterday and it was kind of spooky.  From the sign at the garage that proclaimed jury service was canceled to the mostly empty elevator banks, it felts like entering the opening scenes of a zombie movie.  There were only a handful of bond defendants in the courthouse and they were quickly given resets and sent home.  Judge and court staff were asking people to keep their distance from each other and the bench.  I made the mistake of coughing once (it was allergies, don't freak out) and was immediately maced with Lysol by a court coordinator who shall remain nameless.  There was definitely a strong feeling that we shouldn't be up there.

5.  Teleconferencing is the new Bench Conference.  As I mentioned above, I filed a couple of Motions to Reduce Bond on some of my clients, and I'm going through all of my pending cases to see if there are more I can do.  I e-filed them (through the State's service, not the District Clerk), served the prosecutor with e-service, and e-mailed the coordinator to notify her.  About an hour later, the Judge called me and we had a teleconference.  The prosecutor was in court and I was on speakerphone.  It went pretty smoothly for a first attempt.

6.  Speaking of the prosecutor being in the courtroom . . . Since I was supposed to be out of town this week and then on Spring Break, I was calling in from out of town when I presented my Motion to the Court telephonically.  The prosecutor, however, was physically present in the courtroom.   Again, I will point out to Harris County District Attorney Kim Ogg, that this wasn't necessary.  The prosecutor could have phoned or conferenced in by Internet just as easily as I did.  Thus far, Kim Ogg's only concession for her employees is relaxing the dress code.  That's pathetic. 

7.  Speaking of poor crisis management by the District Attorney's Office, I had the most entertaining conversation with 1st Assistant/Chief of Staff/Minister of Propaganda Vivian King last week!  So, here's a funny story.  Last week, in response to Jim Leitner citing Vivian King's approval of an e-mail he was sending to the Office, I made the following Tweet:

Now, I said this with a keen awareness of numerous moments of mismanagement and out of line priorities exhibited by La Viv over the course of her tenure with the Ogg Administration.  From holding onto some Federal defense cases after taking her oath as a prosecutor to handling a little family law matter for a criminal court judge (that in my opinion created a potential conflict of interest for the Office) to expensive espresso machines on the public dime to failing to recuse the Office on a case that she had a vested personal interest in, the past few years have changed my opinion of Vivian for the worse.  I have a great many things that I could add to that list, but I won't at the moment.

So, after sending this Tweet, I was not all that surprised to see Vivian on my Caller ID on Friday, calling to express her fury.  

She started by cryptically letting me know that "someone" had told her that I had said she was the last person who should be handling a crisis.  Dammit, the Twitterverse is apparently not the secret-keeping vault that I thought it was.  I told her that she really should be focusing on managing the Office's response to the coronavirus rather than calling her critics on county time, to which she yelled "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME I TAKE MY LUNCH HOUR!"

She threatened to sue me, to which I replied that my opinion of her was not libel.

She threatened to file a grievance against me for criticizing her, to which I replied that I was criticizing her as an administrator, not as a lawyer.

She told me that I was just seeking publicity, to which I didn't think that her ill-fated stint on Sisters-In-Law would really get me that much attention.

She demanded to know who had told me bad things about her, to which I told her I wouldn't be feeding information to the "most paranoid, mean, and not-that-bright administration in the Office's history."

She finally just defaulted into yelling that she was Board Certified in Criminal Law and called me a racist for saying anything negative about her on Twitter.  She also accused me of "damaging the community," whatever that means!  It was a very volatile 11 minutes.

And in the end, it didn't change my opinion any.  Now, more than ever, I remain of the opinion that Vivian King is the last person who should be making these decisions.

8.  In all seriousness, outside of the District Attorney's Office upper administration, the Harris County Criminal Justice community is pulling together.  From defense attorneys doing whatever they can to keep their clients informed to the judges trying to make sure that Due Process is still happening to the rank-and-file prosecutors dutifully responding to e-mails and showing up for court, people are still working around the clock to keep the Justice System running.  

As a side note, if you are otherwise unaware, the Harris County Criminal Lawyers Association (in a project being handled by the amazing Christina Appelt) is keeping a running list of all the relevant information regarding courthouse closings and other constantly changing rules at this website that is available to the general public.  That's a huge undertaking and Christina is owed a big "thank you!" for handling it.

I hope everyone is safe out there and that you and your families are corona-free.  I'll talk to you soon.