SCENE: The Death Star orbits over Downtown Houston. [INTERIOR] The Imperial Throne Room. A shrouded figure peers over a desk, looking over important documents. The door opens and an Imperial Officer shuffles in. The shrouded figure looks up.
SHROUDED FIGURE: What is it, Corporal Leitner?
CORPORAL LEITNER: I'm sorry to interrupt you, Empress Ogg. I know you are busy reviewing the Temple case.
EMPRESS OGG: I'm not reviewing the Temple case, I'm looking at cases that I want to have Vice-Admiral Berg talk to the media about.
CORPORAL LEITNER: Wait. Aren't those the expunged cases? I don't think we are allowed to speak about cases that are expunged. I thought talking about an expunged case was a 3rd Degree Felony.
EMPRESS OGG: Silence! "Expunged" means "talk a lot about" in Latin. Everyone who went to law school knows that, Corporal. Hmm. This Buzbee case looks like a good talking point . . .
CORPORAL LEITNER: You are letting Vice Admiral Berg talk to the media? Empress Lykos never let me talk to the media when I was Vice Admiral.
EMPRESS OGG: Can't imagine why . . .
CORPORAL LEITNER: What do you mean?
EMPRESS OGG: Nevermind, was there something you needed, Corporal?
CORPORAL LEITNER: Yes, your majesty. We must talk about the Intake System for the Death Star.
EMPRESS OGG: What about it?
CORPORAL LEITNER: We can't afford it anymore.
EMPRESS OGG: What do you mean "we can't afford it?"
CORPORAL LEITNER: Well, apparently after you took over and did things the way you wanted, we failed to calculate a budget for the Intake System.
EMPRESS OGG: Do we need it?
CORPORAL LEITNER: Um, yes. That is how we get the cases that are what keeps this building running.
EMPRESS OGG: Dammit. I barely have enough in the budget to pay for the fifteen Stormtroopers that I require to be guarding me at all times.
CORPORAL LEITNER: Fifteen? You have fifteen Stormtroopers on your security detail? I don't think President Trump has that many people. Have there been threats against you?
EMPRESS OGG: No, but it looks rockin' cool. Kind of like Beyonce when she did the Super Bowl.
CORPORAL LEITNER: For thirty years, the D.A.'s Office had had someone working intake 24/7. We can't just stop doing that.
EMPRESS OGG: You're right. Just tell the Jawas that they have to work intake for free as part of their jobs.
CORPORAL LEITNER: Jawas?
EMPRESS OGG: Jawas. ADAs. Whatever. And let's just get one of our supervisors to just sit there and do nothing while they do all the work. Somebody like Jabba.
CORPORAL LEITNER: The Hutt?
EMPRESS OGG: No, Denholm.
THE INTERCOM ON EMPRESS OGG'S DESK BUZZES. EMPRESS OGG HITS A BUTTON.
EMPRESS OGG: Go for Kimbra.
VOICE: Empress Ogg, Jar Jar Rogers from the Chronicle is here to see you for your interview.
EMPRESS OGG: Send him in.
A SLIDING DOOR ENTERS, and JAR JAR ROGERS comes bouncing into the room.
JAR JAR: Oh, Mooey, Mooey, Boss Ogg! Meesa so happy for happy positive article writing time about you today!
EMPRESS OGG: It is always so good to see you, Jar Jar.
JAR JAR: Meesa so happy to be writing about bestest D.A. Ever!
CORPORAL LEITNER: Are you brainless?
JAR JAR: Meesa know how to write!
CORPORAL LEITNER: The ability to write for the Chronicle does not make one intelligent.
JAR JAR: Mooey mooey, Boss Ogg, peoples be saying yousa be up to no good. They saya you going to dismissa David Temple because you big buddy with Datha Deguerin.
EMPRESS OGG: Nonsense, Jar Jar. That is just angry talk from the old Jedis that I got rid of under Order 38.
JAR JAR: Dose Jedis useda be my friends.
EMPRESS OGG: They are very bad people, Jar Jar. They say very bad things about me.
JAR JAR: So do the Jawas!
EMPRESS OGG: Silence! That's not the point! The point is that I am launching very thorough investigations into those Jedis who might have said bad things about me.
JAR JAR: Is that againsta the law?
CORPORAL LEITNER: You would think . . .
EMPRESS OGG: It needs a thorough investigation.
JAR JAR: Like yousa investigating David Temple?
EMPRESS OGG: Um, sure.
JAR JAR: Meesa want to get a picture of you investigating David Temple file! Can meesa get a picture with you and the file?
EMPRESS OGG: Of course!
JAR JAR: Where da file?
EMPRESS OGG: Um, I think right now I have it in Corporal Leitner's office. Right, Jim?
CORPORAL LEITNER: Yes, my lord.
EMPRESS OGG: Very important that the Temple File be kept in a safe place. That's why we have Corporal Leitner's weights sitting on it so that nobody moves it.
CORPORAL LEITNER: That's right.
JAR JAR: Me sees! Only Big Jimbo be strong enough to lifta the weights offa the Temple File!
EMPRESS OGG: Exactly, Jar Jar. We wouldn't want anyone else to be able to look at it right?
JAR JAR: That's why meesa and the Chronicle say you da bestest DA ever!
EMPRESS OGG: And that's why I say you're the best newspaper reporter ever, Jar Jar!