SCENE: The Star Destroyer Jefferson hovers over Downtown Houston. It has been two years since the Death Star was destroyed by Harvey and workers are now occasionally working to make it fully operational again. [INTERIOR] The Observation Bridge leading into the Imperial Throne Room. Two Imperial Officers are standing outside the entryway to the Throne Room, speaking in hushed whispers.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Corporal Leitner, do you have news?
CORPORAL LEITNER: Yes, Vice Admiral, and I'm afraid it is all bad.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: How bad?
CORPORAL LEITNER: Bad enough that I'm afraid to tell her. She's been in such a terrible mood since firing Denholm the Hutt.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Yes, I know. I had hoped that firing Andrew Wan-Kenobi would have cheered her up some, but it hasn't. As it turns out, most of the Jawas were big fans of his and when she struck him down, he became more powerful than she could have possibly imagined.
CORPORAL LEITNER: What can we do?
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: I do not know. We hired Jar Jar Rogers as a full-time stormtrooper so that she could give around-the-clock press conferences. Those do make her so very happy. He and Cad Dane are in with her now.
As if on cue, the doors open and Jar Jar Rogers and Cad Dane exit the Imperial Throne Room.
JAR JAR ROGERS: Mooey mooey Boss Ogg! Deesa be the bestest pressa conference ever! Even da Cad Dane Schiller say so!
CAD DANE: Yes, Empress. You are truly beloved by the masses. Only a truly biased person would find error in any of your ways.
JAR JAR ROGERS: Deesa deferred adjudification plan off your is the besta ever, Boss Ogg! Yousa the smartest prosecutor ever for inventing it!
EMPRESS OGG: You two are wonderful. You know I love giving press conferences. Have a press release out immediately about my deferred adjudication program.
JAR JAR and CAD DANE leave.
EMPRESS OGG: Mitcham and Leitner, you may enter.
MITCHAM and LEITNER enter the Throne Room.
EMPRESS OGG: This had better be good news.
MITCHAM and LEITNER look at each other uncomfortably.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Did I hear correctly that you are starting a new deferred adjudication program?
EMPRESS OGG (smiling): Why, yes. It is very exciting and innovative. I'm glad I invented it.
CORPORAL LEITNER: What is it?
EMPRESS OGG: A new program where a Defendant enters a plea of guilty, but the judge withholds a finding of guilt and places the Defendant on community supervision.
CORPORAL LEITNER: But . . .
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM (to LEITNER): Just let it go.
EMPRESS OGG: So, I hope you bring me good news. The year has been terrible. First there was the Temple Disaster.
CORPORAL LEITNER: The Jedi Temple?
EMPRESS OGG: No. David Temple. I was really hoping that Admiral Schneider could pull that one off. Darth DeGuerin is livid. He won't return any of my phone calls.
CORPORAL LEITNER: You did all you could, Empress.
EMPRESS OGG: Yes. I know. And then we had that whole scandal with Amir promising cantina owners on Mos Eisley that he would legalize their gambling clubs.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Speaking of Mos Eisley . . .
EMPRESS OGG: What about it?
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: There have been protests from the locals and the Stormtrooper Union president.
EMPRESS OGG: Over what? We investigated and Greedo shot first.
CORPORAL LEITNER: Accounts vary.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: There is still a lot of backlash over Denholm the Hutt asking about Greedo's legal status.
EMPRESS OGG: And after careful consideration over 8 parsecs, I jettisoned Denholn into hyperspace.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Some feel that you should have dispatched him as quickly as you dispatched Andrew Wan-Kenobi.
EMPRESS OGG: Don't be ridiculous. Kenobi made me angry. Denholm? Not so much. Andrew should have learned the lessons of former Vice Admiral Berg that you should only disagree with me if you wish to spend the rest of your days frozen in carbonite.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Speaking of all the people you've been terminating, Your Worship, we have still not received approval from the Galactic Senate for the budget for more Jawas.
EMPRESS OGG: This is an outrage.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: The situation is critical, Empress. You may need to slow down on firing people . . .
CORPORAL LEITNER: Speaking of which, Your Highness, I can't help but notice that everyone but me got a promotion. I've been a corporal since you took over. You know, under Emperor Patricia, I was a Vice Admiral.
EMPRESS OGG: Meh. We all kind of talked about it and decided you were good where you are.
CORPORAL LEITNER: Yes, Empress.
EMPRESS OGG: What news do we have for the upcoming battle of 2020?
CORPORAL LEITNER: The news is bad. There are many who are lined up to take your place.
EMPRESS OGG: I know of Audia and this Skystreeter person.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Overstreet.
EMPRESS OGG: Whatever. Who else?
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Lloyd Oliver, Lori Deangelo, Mary Nan Huffman, and there are rumors that Carl from maintenance is eyeing a run.
CORPORAL LEITNER: And I'm afraid that I have bad news about an additional candidate.
EMPRESS OGG: Who?
CORPORAL LEITNER: Carvana Skywalker.
EMPRESS OGG: Why does that name sound familiar?
CORPORAL LEITNER: She worked here until last Friday.
EMPRESS OGG: Hmm. I can't be bothered to know everyone who works here.
CORPORAL LEITNER: You handpicked her as part of your staff when you took over. Made her Bureau Chief recently. Houston native. Lifelong Democrat. Highly respected amongst her peers. A really really strong candidate.
EMPRESS OGG: Not ringing a bell.
CORPORAL LEITNER: You have a picture with her on your desk.
EMPRESS OGG: No I don't.
CORPORAL LEITNER: Yes, it's right there.
EMPRESS OGG: Boba Clappart, please escort Corporal Leitner to the carbon freezing chamber.
BOBA CLAPPART, head of security drags CORPORAL LEITNER kicking and screaming out of the Throne Room.
VICE ADMIRAL MITCHAM: Well, it isn't like he didn't know what happens when someone disagrees with you . . .
EMPRESS OGG: I mean, seriously. Right?! And he wonders why he never got promoted above Corporal.
Episode One: The Phantom Kimness
Episode Two: Attack of the Clowns
Episode Three: Revenge of the Fifth (Amendment)