Friday, January 2, 2009

There Should Be a Law . . .

One of the fringe benefits of having a small child is that a parent who is with said child can have the opportunity to use the "Family" Restrooms at public facilities. In such large facilities like, say, Reliant Stadium or Houston Intercontinental Airport, these can be a thoughtful oasis in the middle of chaos that can provide a bit of relief when either you or your child needs to, um, use the facilities.

One of my pet peeves, as a parent, however, has come in those situations where I've desperately needed the use of the Family Restroom, only to find that it is occupied. Occupied, not by another desperate parent seeking asylum, but by some inconsiderate jerk or jerks that just figured that they were entitled to their own moments of privacy.

The most egregious of these situations happened last season at Reliant Stadium where I was dealing with the Mother of All Diaper Blow Outs (my kid's diaper, not mine), and spent twenty minutes waiting outside the door while a drunken and frisky couple made use of the privacy together.

I was not amused.

As I've mentioned before, I spent the past couple of days with my Little Man visiting my Mom in Florida. On the trip to Florida, we had to make a trip to the restroom, only to be forced to wait while a single, college-aged female took her sweet time by herself in there. We damn near missed our plane.

And upon arrival back this afternoon, my boy and I again desperately needed to make use of the Family Restroom, following what I will just phrase a "Milk Disaster in the Sky", only to find that it was occupied for some time by a young, college-aged male, who seemed completely oblivious to the dirty look I was giving him when he exited.

Now, to my knowledge, there is no law on the books that prohibits non-Family use of a Family Restroom, but dammit, there ought to be.

As I begin my Criminal Defense practice, I'm occasionally asked if there are any types of cases that I would absolutely refuse to take.

I'm generally non-committal about that question, because it's way too broad.

But if some Legislator wants to earn my Vote for Life and put this one on the books, you can guarantee I will never defend the scurrilous cretins who perpetrate this crime.

I mean, come on people, you've got to have some sympathy for a Dad, loaded down with fifty pieces of luggage who is following this around an airport:


Anonymous said...

Don't forget about the "low-boy" statute....You rush your son to the mens room, all the urinals are empty except for the one "low-boy" because some jerk is using it. If you do not need the "low-boy" stay off the "low-boy"

Anonymous said...

too cute!

Anonymous said...

very fitting and true to the point!

Ron in Houston said...


Lock me up and cart me off to Huntsville.

I've never been in the "Family Restroom" but I will use the low boy.

I never knew that a few seconds of relieving myself could lead to such horrible consequences.

Anonymous said...

Some of us need the "low-boy". Never heard the one about the two guys relieving themselves off the Golden Gate Bridge with one of them saying "It's cold" only to receive the reply, "Yeah, and deep too"?

Anonymous said...

You hit the nail on the head. Even at malls, major department stores, anyplace else that have the FAMILY restrooms. Can't ever find one empty, and when I do, I usually give it up to the woman with three kids who obviously needs the time more than I do.

Anonymous said...

omg LOL i love that pic of him. hilarious.

Anonymous said...

JAGJO writes:

That is the most precious pic!
You are soooo blessed!
What an amazing year you are going to have!!!