Pat Lykos is back in the news today with a hard-hitting, gripping and surely controversial Editorial this moring announcing that the D.A.'s Office is going to prosecute Failure to Stop and Render Aid cases.
I envisioned the scene leading up to the writing of the article in this short, one act play:
Interior: Pat Lykos’ Office. Jim Leitner is bring Lykos her morning coffee as Lykos is frowning, reading the newspaper.
PAT: Jim, I’m not happy.
JIM: I’m sorry, your Lordship. How have I failed you this time?
PAT: It’s not you, this time, you Dolt. It’s the newspapers. We haven’t done anything noteworthy in months. Hell, even that imbecile Newman hasn’t written a post on me since February.
JIM: Well, he has been busy with the elections . . .
PAT: Silence! What we need is to get back in the Public Relations game. We should make a hard-line stand on an issue that is guaranteed to generate some positive press.
JIM: We could outline a policy on how our office can assist in reducing jail over-crowding by a thorough review of the bond schedule and a critical evaluation of those people we should consider for PR bonds.
PAT: Shut up, Fool. You’re confusing me. More importantly, you’ll confuse the Public. We need something more simple. I know! I’m going to issue a statement saying I will now vigorously prosecute the unlawful taking of another’s life! Genius!
JIM: Um, we already do that, your Worship.
JIM: It’s called murder prosecutions.
PAT: Shit. What about the unlawful taking of another’s property?
JIM: That would be a theft.
PAT: Crapola. Hmm. I saw in the newspaper the other day that there have been a lot of automobile accidents where the other person drove away without helping. The public is apparently outraged.
JIM: Yes, that is a serious crime in Harris County.
PAT: My understanding is that most people don’t realize that is actually a crime.
JIM: Uh, well, actually, I’m pretty sure that most people are aware of the crime of Failure to Stop and Render Aid . . .
JIM: Yes, your Holiness.
PAT: I want to write an Editorial for the Chronicle, Jimbo.
JIM: You want to write it yourself?
PAT: Are you trying to be humorous, Jim? I will stab you with this pencil.
JIM: No, your Honor.
PAT: Send me Durfee. He is good with words and people seem to like him.
Enter Scott Durfee
SCOTT: You wanted to see me, Judge?
PAT: Yes, my Pretty. We are going to propose new legislation making it a crime to leave the scene of an accident.
SCOTT: You mean, Failure to Stop and Render Aid? That’s already - -
PAT: Silence!! Nothing is a law until I have told the general public that it’s a law.
SCOTT: Um, okay.
PAT: Write a letter on your electronic typing machine.
SCOTT: My computer?
PAT: Yes, that thing. Let the citizens of Harris County know that, I, their beloved and elected District Attorney will no longer allow people to leave the scene of accidents. It’s a bold, new initiative that we are taking here.
SCOTT: What initiative? Prosecuting FSRA cases?
PAT: Silence! Write the article and then bring it to me to sign.
SCOTT: Yes, Judge.
PAT: Make me look good, Durfee. It's what I pay you to do. Make the people love me.
SCOTT: I'll, uh, do what I can, Judge.